Post by madman on Mar 1, 2007 1:49:10 GMT -5
Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk
grading
>these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain
her
>composure.
>
>PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE
BIBLE
>EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS. IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC
>ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND
NEW
>TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY
>CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT
SPELLING HAS
>BEEN LEFT IN.
>
>1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF
CREATING THE
>WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
>2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN
OF
>ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
>3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
DURING
>THE NIGHT.
>
>4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD
TROUBLE
>WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
>5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
LIKE
>DELILAH.
>
>6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD,
>WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
>
>8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
WENT UP
>TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
>9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
>
>10.TH SVETH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
>
>11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE
HEBREWS
>IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
>12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
STAND
>STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
>13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
FOUGHT
>THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
>14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID'S SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
>
>15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA
CARTA.
>
>16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
JESUS IN
>THE MANAGER.
>
>17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
>
>18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPD WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
>19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
BEFORE
>THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT
ALONE.
>
>20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET
THE
>TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
>21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
>
>22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
>24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH
IS
>ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
>25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
grading
>these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain
her
>composure.
>
>PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE
BIBLE
>EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS. IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC
>ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. TEST KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND
NEW
>TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY
>CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT
SPELLING HAS
>BEEN LEFT IN.
>
>1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF
CREATING THE
>WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
>2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN
OF
>ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
>3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE
DURING
>THE NIGHT.
>
>4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD
TROUBLE
>WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
>5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL
LIKE
>DELILAH.
>
>6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD,
>WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS
>
>8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES
WENT UP
>TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
>9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
>
>10.TH SVETH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
>
>11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE
HEBREWS
>IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
>12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO
STAND
>STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
>13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE
FOUGHT
>THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
>14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID'S SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
>
>15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA
CARTA.
>
>16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND
JESUS IN
>THE MANAGER.
>
>17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
>
>18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPD WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
>19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS
BEFORE
>THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT
ALONE.
>
>20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET
THE
>TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
>21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
>
>22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
>24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH
IS
>ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
>25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.